Almost five months ago I was laid off then brought back and put on a one day work week. It has been and still is a huge adjustment for our family budget. It took me a while to actually see the good in this and now I’m secretly praying it lasts another six months.
Yes, we’ve made some real sacrifices, like putting our travel trailer up for sale and staying in instead of going out to dinner on the weekends, or to the theater. On the flip side some great memories have been made over the last few months.
I mean our back yard “staycation” weekends rocked this year!
There has been a lot of great discussions and laughs during dinner around our table, playing board games, watching movies on dvd in our pj’s and sharing popcorn. These are the memories I wouldn’t trade for anything. These are the things I hope our daughter remembers of this time in her life, not that we couldn’t afford a summer vacation or to take her horse back riding every weekend. I hope she remembers having her mom home to see her off to school four days a week and being here waiting to hear about her day when she returns.
I love my job and some days I still really miss it, a lot. But I’m finding being home much rewarding then I expected it to be. I feel a lot of pride in spending my day keeping the house clean and moving smoothly for my family.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s not all about being the mom, being home has some pretty good selfish perks too. Like staying up late with out the worry of rushing out the door in the morning, being able to enjoy a little me time during the day. I know the day is going to come and I’ll have to spin back in to that busy working mom routine but for now I am trying to focus on the surprising good that has come from being laid off and filling these days with good memories.

Wordless Wednesday

When I first met my husband I was a single mom with a seven year old daughter. Hearing him tell me he did not want babies was such a relaxing feeling. I’d been there and done that and had no desire to start over. Of course his reasoning was nothing to be happy about.

My husband is one out of three boys born without kidney disease in his family. Because his father moved on and fathered two daughters with another woman, one also born with kidney disease, it’s safe to say it is his gene that carries this rare disease. The scary part being he had no sign of illness or being a carrier.
After watching his brothers suffer through hospital stays, transplants, meds and dialysis over the years this was something my husband did not want to risk passing on. Like his father, he has no signs of illness but worries about being a carrier. So kids were not in his plan when we met.

Then we got serious and fell in love. Funny how love can change what you “thought” you wanted out of life. Together, marriage, house and a shot at a real family was what we both ending up wanting.
After telling ourselves and hearing it from doctors that it was only a chance of this happening, the thought of him possible being a carrier of this ugly disease no long was first and for most important.

After two years of dealing with some health issues of my own that caused us to be reproductive challenged, we finally conceived.

The pregnancy was a hard one. In and out of hospitals and a lot of added ultra sounds to watch the kidneys develop. But it all paid off when we brought home our beautiful, healthy baby girl.

So far ten years later Allison shows no sign of illness. We had a couple of frightening moments while she was toddler that turned out to be only infections and I thank god for that everyday. But the worry is far from over. Honestly now that she is ten or in the double digit’s as she likes to say, I am starting to really be scared.

This is a rare and tragic disease that didn’t show up in his siblings until their teen years and then ended up taking all three of their lives by their mid thirties.

There are times I think about it and I just can’t breathe. Then I remind myself of my own words, that we can’t over worry or stress over something that might not even happen. Something that is only a chance. That is what I reminded my husband and myself years ago when we made the decision to conceive.

The plan is to start testing her kidneys yearly at age ten. So today I am going to call and make that first appointment. Which just the thought of has always made my gut twist. Ten has always sounded so far away. I can’t believe we are here already, here in the double digits.

10.16.09 updates -

Yesterday we saw the doctor and went over Allison’s tests and physical. As of now she has no sign of kidney trouble. What a relief. Until we have to test her again next year I feel like I can breathe again.

– Wordless Wednesday

Pumpkins, apples, goblins and cool crisp weather. I just love this time of year. It starts with Halloween. I really enjoy all the decorations and good times we have with the kids and neighbors every year. This season is just way too short in my opinion.

Allison tells me she wants our house to be decorated scary this year, no more cute stuff. So we made a trip to Target over the weekend and had a blast looking at all the scary more grown up Halloween decorations. We didn’t come home with much but we got some great ideas. I think this weekend we’ll head out to a Halloween shop for a few more items and her costume. It’s all so much fun.

I have a meeting with my daughter’s teacher this afternoon. Allison seems to be having a real hard time adjusting to fifth grade so far. A hard time time staying organized. A hard time with her homework, lots and lots of homework and she had a couple of missing assignments already. I really hope we can nip this in the bud and get her back on track. She’s always been a good student with perfect grades. She’s one of those kids that gets the “no conference needed” box checked on her report cards. I am sure everything will be ok but I actually feel a nervous going to this meeting.

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My house was the place to be last night. We rocked Girls Night 2009 better then before. Seven awesome women all in pajamas drank mixed drinks and strawberry margaritas, played Trivia for Dummies, Wii games, danced in my living room and did a whole lot of laughing. It was a real good time! I sure am blessed with awesome friends. And after a very long couple of weeks they were just what I needed.

With the holidays already feeling like they are just around the corner I sat down last night and started making my first of many lists. I always depend on my lists to get me through this time of year. My first list is always a party list, then I start a recipe list and then on to the all important gift list. This year the gift list will have to be small in comparison to previous years so I will putting a lot of thought in to each and every gift. I can remember a day when this was my longest list but those days I think are far gone. With the exception of my gift wish list of course. It consist of a new laptop, a much larger television, a Patek Philippe watch. ha ha ha.. yeah, in my dreams!

After being laid off and working only one day a week since May, I am currently covering for a coworker and working full time for the next few weeks. So far it’s not going as smooth as I’d hoped. I was super cranky at the end of the day yesterday and then had a hard time sleeping last night. Even worse I had no patients for our daughter this morning. Yelling at her is not the way I like either of us to start our day. I drove to work this morning feeling angry and frustrated at the way things have been going in our house lately and thinking of how these things need to change. I hope this is just me having trouble shifting gears and things gets easier or it’s going to be a long and ruff three weeks.